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H is for Homeless

I just returned from what was quite possibly one of THE most fantastic weekends I've ever had. I went to Kansas City for the weekend for the bachelorette party of my office mate, Sarah. Six of us packed up Friday night to drive North. I was a little nervous because I don't usually do well with large groups of girls I'm not familiar with. It's always hard to break in and find your place, in this case, in a VERY established circle of friends. It didn't take long for all of us to be chattering and giggling as if we'd known each other our whole lives. I was also pleased to find out that for ONCE I was not the ONLY married woman in the group. The single girls were actually the minority on this trip. Nah-nah nah!

The 3 hour trip to KC was filled with talk of sex, babies, periods, husbands, how we fell in love, past party stories, college and so much more. By the time we made it to our host's, Erica, apartment, any awkwardness was gone. Erica has a DARLING apartment in the Plaza. We decided to spare our livers and our energy and stay in. We kicked back in our PJs with Digiornio pizzas and a few bottles of wine and just talked our little heads off. I don't know why, but that pizza was pretty damn good! I don't know if there was crack in the cheese or what, but MMMM!!!

One by one we started nodding off. Saturday morning was like something out of a dream. I WAS IN MY PAJAMAS UNTIL NOOOOOON!!! 12 PM PEOPLE! We all got up and moving and headed out into the Plaza. We had lunch at Kona Grill. It was pretty yummy. We had a secret project going on at the apartment for the bride, so a few of us headed back and the rest of the group headed to shop in The Plaza. I'm glad I chose to go back- I got to shower, take an on/off nap and watch a little football. The secret project was a penis cake for the party. Missy is one hell of a little chef- if she and I joined forces, we could kick Martha's ass!
Now, if ever there was a perfect likeness of the male genetalia made of flour and eggs- THIS. WAS. IT. It was really almost weird to slice it up and eat it, and it was deeeelicious.

Ok, so we all got to the hotel and starting primping and curling. We had a little shower for Sarah with plenty of lingerie and sex toys to start her marriage. Sarah was quite a trooper because she is a really private person. So Sarah- props to you for being such a rockstar and rolling with all of this!! (She had to go to NYC from KC this morning for work, so I'm hoping they didn't search her scandalous bag at the airport)

We went to dinner at a fabulous Italian restaurant. Thank you Sarah for the wine and dessert. From there it was to TEAR IT UP!!!

We hit 3 bars. The first ended up having quite the gay scene- but it was way cool. They had this whole piano bar/lounge singer thing going on. It was a lot of fun. This is where Sarah began her scavenger hunt list of things to accomplish before night was out. So, "A" was for "Ass" and she had to slap some random guy's. I don't know what letter it was for, but she found a fellow KU fan and sang their alma mater. For each of our names she got to give us a dare. So for "K", I was dared to kiss this fabulous New Zealand fellow on the cheek. Really, it's a cheek, so I did. I fessed up to Shelton and of course-no harm. I also, umm, decided to jump up on top of this table and start dancing. I got in trouble. The DJ came over the speaker and said "Get off the table now." Okie dokie! Down I came, shaking like a leaf.

When we left this bar this random bird calling man was standing outside and someone had Sarah take her picture with him. That was when I announced that H is for homeless. I'm so mean. But seriously, we laughed. And then today, we laughed about it some more.

We made it to our third and final scene. A club with a happening dance floor. My legs are STILL hurting. I danced my fanny and my legs off. And then I decided I'd had enough. I need to park it on this stool. But oh no, the dancing gods had something else in mind. The DJ, with his book full of burned CDs, started THRILLLLLERRRRRR!!!! OH MY FREAKING GOODNESS!!!! My booty was back up and shaking. And, you know from the video, the werewolf dance where they swing their arms back and forth?? Well, I could not control myself! I just. kept. doing. it.

We left there and had to get our one and only puker into the cab. This too was an adventure because on the way to the hotel she had our BEST CAB DRIVER EVER Adam Joseph pull over on the side of the road. She told us to "Go on with out me! I'll be fine. Leave me here." Umm, right. We're going to leave you in some stranger's yard.

We made it back to the hotel safe and sound. You'd have thought we'd all smoked like a pound of pot or something because all we could think about or talk about was FOOD. The greasier the better. We did not end up with any food and quickly passed out. And no, there were no drugs. I drunk dialed Shelton a few times and lucky for him his phone was dead. And lucky for EVERYONE in my phone list, my phone was also dead or I'm sure I'd have waken the dead.

One of the highlights of the trip was that I found my toe twin. Yes, my toe twin. See, when someone talks about something that gives me the heeby jeebies- oh lets say a nerve WRAPPED around a wisdom tooth! My toes start to clench up so tight, they curl under my foot. It can be excruciating. People laugh at me and think I'm crazy- and yes there are things I do that would rightfully lead someone to that assumption. BUT- THIS IS NOT one of those times. Anyhow, Miss "muggin' down on Omaha" Katie is my toe twin. She experiences the same phenomenon when heeby jeeby things are spoken of.

There are about 100 or so other situations and comments, but really, I should probably wrap this up.

Girls, I think this was a vastly appropriate send off to Sarah. I feel like I left Kansas City with several new friends, at least I hope so. You are an incredible group of women. Thank you for contributing to one hell of a fun weekend! I am sooooo looking forward to the wedding where we can tear it up again.
Thanks for laughing at me for having a blog. You should feel honored that today, as my blog's BIRTHDAY POST, it is the recount of our bachelorette weekend!

I would simply like to take a moment to wish your blog a happy birthday. I must say, as a fellow party go-er that you recapped the weekend quite vividly. And I might possibly take back all of the sarcasm surrounding your blog.

I'm impressed and will certainly be bookmarking this page.

P.S... I also took a few moments to check out Shelton's blog- also very entertaining. I hope you both enjoy your t-shirts, as well as any other items he may have "scored" over the weekend!!!

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